A Saga of Brainwashing Gone Awry

Figure 1: Barbie spotted in soldiers pack. I guess real men do play with dolls.

Why is Dick Cheney so surprised that George Bush went soft?
Didn’t he order George W’s brain washing? I may be getting a little ahead of myself. Allow me to explain.

Here We Go Again
Our old friends at the US Military are at it again, but this time with less than stellar results.  It has recently been discovered that under the 2000 to 2008 Bush Administration, Uncle Sam and his warmongering cronies have set course for the planet brainwash. But don’t allow those chills to creep too far down your spine, faithful reader – incompetence has won the day. Specifically, technological incompetence has not only foiled big brother’s plans, but also resulted in a rather amusing situation. Continue Reading »

The Attempt Failed but Who was Trying

Figure 1 Pictured here is the bedroom window of one of our top informants. There is an eerie light seeping between the cracks of the cardboard. Apparently the cardboard is in place to keep light out, which makes sleeping late into the morning easier. The cardboard not only saved him from the Sun but also saved him from being abducted.

We Will Not Be Pushed Around!
One of our top informants was nearly abducted through his bedroom window recently.   His name can’t be revealed so we must refer to him as Number One for the rest of this article. Number One has provided information on articles appearing on this web site later things year. We are concerned for Number One but we now must turn our microscopes inward and report on our own.

Imagine His Silhouette on Video and Digitized Voice to Hide His Identity
“I just can’t believe it. I almost wet my pants.” Number One states with a slight quiver in his voice. “It was just past 2:00 A.M. when I was startled from my sleep. There was a flash of light and thump at my bedroom window. I couldn’t see anything past the cardboard which I place in my window to block morning sunlight and evening moonlight. Not much later two consecutive thumps occurred, both of which were accompanied by flashes of light. I caught the third flash of light with the digital camera which I keep by my side at all times. I crept out into the neighboring room, my kitchen, to look out a different window. I couldn’t go near that bedroom window. I was worried about what I would see staring back at me once I pulled that cardboard down. When I looked out the kitchen window I noticed something like a blue spotlight shining down from the sky, directed at my bedroom window. It was very faint. Suddenly that stream of light flashed and I heard the thump against my bedroom window simultaneously. Shortly after the fourth thump, the light simply faded and nothing else happened the rest of the night.” Continue Reading »

Jerry Lewis Spy Android Backfires

Figure 1: Pictured; the U.S. Government’s robotic engineers tests lubricants on the Jerry Lewis android while running diagnostics on his main computer system located in his upper torso.

Need a Spy? Send in the Clown!
What is the easiest way to sneak a spy into a foreign country? Not to sneak at all. High profile celebrities have the best chance of working their way in and if they get caught, most likely no harm will come to them. A beloved celebrity would be safe from harm and hard to prosecute because of their beloved status all over the world. Perhaps this sounds a little too close to a movie like TOP SECRET where an American Rock star is involved in espionage.  National Exposer is starting to wonder if TOP SECRET was inspired.

It isn’t common knowledge that back in the 1940’s Jerry Lewis was the American star turned spy. There was, however, a little twist in that story. Simply put, he is an android from the 1940’s. His sole purpose was to infiltrate German forces from a French launching point. First, let us cover the android development.

Nutty Professor Creates Nutty Professor
The U.S. was nervous about German activity in and near France during World War II. A scientist by the name of Dr. Jerry Frankman, working with the government, devised a plan that shocked U.S. intelligence. He proposed the U.S. send an android to do a man’s job. The plan was to send a flawlessly realistic android over enemy lines. If he was captured, it would be no loss of manpower but a great experiment in human android realism. If an American android could fool military personnel in a foreign country it would be a leap forward in robotics. Dr. Frankman was given the go ahead. They figured he would fail at the attempt and they could exploit any advancement in robotics which may come out of it. By the end of 1944 Dr. Frankman was finished. National Exposer’s staff is stumped how Frankman could technologically pull this off. However, there is clear evidence of cybernetic research as far back as the 1940s. We also suspect that the government had access to technologies well beyond their day (as they do now). Perhaps the technology was part of  the research the U.S. government continued later that decade. We know of a similarly advanced experiments in aeronautics was attempted in the last 1940s. We have evidence of an experimental craft crashing at Roswell in 1947 which may have spurred advancement, but that’s another story. Continue Reading »

Figure 1: Although blurred as a result of a quick take, this photo clearly shows a large metallic humanoid lifting a car off the ground.

As Summer Block busters movies release upon our theaters, themes of super heroes seem to be the current trend. Check out National Exposer’s coverage of real live super heroes this Summer. NE starts with a real world IRON MAN. Back in 2001 this image surfaced among our network of agents. Though blurry it clearly shows some sort of metallic humanoid dispensing some hurt on an automobile.

In recent months we have intercepted communications concerning a press release. These messages include plans of revealing top secret protective body armor. It appears the authors of these communiques feel that the IRON MAN movie has paved the way to spill news of armor suit technologies. A sly way to earn public support by releasing real life controversial technology similar to a hot movie such as Iron Man and the soon to hit theaters Iron Man 2.

“It is time to reveal our technology to the world. Hollywood has provided an avenue where our suit may be warmly welcomed at this point in time.” reads one line from this covert letter. National Exposer staff has reason to believe that the technology featured in the following article has been perfected and will be release soon. Continue reading about this metal man… Continue Reading »

It has been quite a few years but the heat is off and we are able to speak freely again. Please stay tuned for more reports and sign up for our email newsletter while you wait. We will immediatley notify you of new content. JOIN OUR EMAIL NEWSLETTER.

Coming Soon: Our spy networks will investigate human augmentation. Super Soldiers? Better Law Enforcement? Super Heroes are on the rise and why international espionage rings are getting nervous.