A Saga of Brainwashing Gone Awry

Figure 1: Barbie spotted in soldiers pack. I guess real men do play with dolls.

Why is Dick Cheney so surprised that George Bush went soft?
Didn’t he order George W’s brain washing? I may be getting a little ahead of myself. Allow me to explain.

Here We Go Again
Our old friends at the US Military are at it again, but this time with less than stellar results.  It has recently been discovered that under the 2000 to 2008 Bush Administration, Uncle Sam and his warmongering cronies have set course for the planet brainwash. But don’t allow those chills to creep too far down your spine, faithful reader – incompetence has won the day. Specifically, technological incompetence has not only foiled big brother’s plans, but also resulted in a rather amusing situation. Continue Reading »

Jerry Lewis Spy Android Backfires

Figure 1: Pictured; the U.S. Government’s robotic engineers tests lubricants on the Jerry Lewis android while running diagnostics on his main computer system located in his upper torso.

Need a Spy? Send in the Clown!
What is the easiest way to sneak a spy into a foreign country? Not to sneak at all. High profile celebrities have the best chance of working their way in and if they get caught, most likely no harm will come to them. A beloved celebrity would be safe from harm and hard to prosecute because of their beloved status all over the world. Perhaps this sounds a little too close to a movie like TOP SECRET where an American Rock star is involved in espionage.  National Exposer is starting to wonder if TOP SECRET was inspired.

It isn’t common knowledge that back in the 1940’s Jerry Lewis was the American star turned spy. There was, however, a little twist in that story. Simply put, he is an android from the 1940’s. His sole purpose was to infiltrate German forces from a French launching point. First, let us cover the android development.

Nutty Professor Creates Nutty Professor
The U.S. was nervous about German activity in and near France during World War II. A scientist by the name of Dr. Jerry Frankman, working with the government, devised a plan that shocked U.S. intelligence. He proposed the U.S. send an android to do a man’s job. The plan was to send a flawlessly realistic android over enemy lines. If he was captured, it would be no loss of manpower but a great experiment in human android realism. If an American android could fool military personnel in a foreign country it would be a leap forward in robotics. Dr. Frankman was given the go ahead. They figured he would fail at the attempt and they could exploit any advancement in robotics which may come out of it. By the end of 1944 Dr. Frankman was finished. National Exposer’s staff is stumped how Frankman could technologically pull this off. However, there is clear evidence of cybernetic research as far back as the 1940s. We also suspect that the government had access to technologies well beyond their day (as they do now). Perhaps the technology was part of  the research the U.S. government continued later that decade. We know of a similarly advanced experiments in aeronautics was attempted in the last 1940s. We have evidence of an experimental craft crashing at Roswell in 1947 which may have spurred advancement, but that’s another story. Continue Reading »